The Manifesting Latina

Empowering Yourself: The Art and Benefits of Asking for Help

August 22, 2023 Norma Reyes, PhD. Season 3 Episode 100
The Manifesting Latina
Empowering Yourself: The Art and Benefits of Asking for Help
Show Notes Transcript Chapter Markers

In today's episode I talk about the importance of asking for help (more often!).  I reflect on my personal experiences that led me to become fiercely independent and a constant problem solver.  And realizing that invaluable power of seeking help

Let's confront the discomfort associated with asking for help, and I’ll equip you with strategies to overcome this hurdle. This episode offers insights into the benefits asking for help can bring to your career and personal life, the importance of intuition, professional guidance, and continuous self-reflection. Join me as we tackle the roots of our reluctance to reach out to others, and together, let’s harness the strength in asking for help to manifest your career!

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Speaker 1:

Are you ready to stop feeling stuck, lost or confused about what to do next in your career? Then the Manifest your Career Podcast is just right for you. With me, your host, dr Norma Reyes, the Manifest your Career Podcast offers you career advice that integrates your mind, body and spirit. It's time you start listening to your own inner guidance. Learn in each week to learn how to combine your intuition, strategy and logic so that you can manifest a career of your dreams. Hey everyone, welcome back. This is episode 100, and today I am going to talk to you all about asking for help and the importance of it.

Speaker 1:

As I went on a walk one of these mornings last week, I was reflecting on asking for help. It's not something that I readily do or easily do. Also, time I just go about thinking like I'm just going to figure it out. No matter what it is, I'm going to figure it out. More recently, since starting my business, my figuring out has been pain for supports. By what I mean by this, it's not just coaching. Coaching is one of the best investments ever, but I'm talking about doing online courses. Again, that's not really asking for help. It's kind of circumventing the asking for help. You're paying for help at that point, which is what I've done a lot to expedite certain things. I wanted to launch my podcast. I signed up for a eight-week program that was going to teach me how to launch my podcast in the most effective and efficient way, which I think is a great way to go about it. But not once that I think, oh, I'm going to reach out to people that have done podcasting before so that I can learn from them, maybe ask them some questions, what have they done, etc. And then the podcast went about my own way of figuring it out, which was paying for a program, a group coaching program, that was helping me. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Sometimes paid supports are the best supports for us. But I want to get back to the internal part, the root of the problem, the core reason why I'm not asking for help. So it's an internal belief that I've always carried that I need to figure it out.

Speaker 1:

I'm not exactly sure where I picked it up, but if I had to guess, I would think my mom. Growing up, you know we didn't have an extended family to lean on, she didn't have a lot of friends to lean on, and when she did us for help. It was like in extreme situations, right. So I just saw my mom always figuring it out on her own, and my parents were together at the time. So you know, they just would always figure it out, but most of the time it would be my mom navigating that space figuring it out. Something would happen, my mom would figure it out and so that's it, thank you.

Speaker 1:

Now, as an adult, I still don't have my extended family. Fortunately, my husband does have an extended family and we do reach out to them for help. But I do have two older sisters that I'm estranged from and I have a younger brother who I occasionally talk to. I wouldn't say we're super bonded. I know that if I needed him to help me with something, he would be there. My dad the same way, like if I absolutely needed them, they would be there.

Speaker 1:

Again, it's always extreme situations or out of the ordinary situations. For the first time, me and my husband in May went on a trip together without the kids and had my mom come and spend the weekend at my house watching the boys. That was her first time even watching my boys, which she wasn't really watching them by herself either, because my daughter, the 18-year-old, was here with them. So really it was just so they can have an adult in the house, aside from the 18-year-old, in case something happened. But again, extreme situation instead of reaching out somewhere else for help on a regular basis. So while I know I can reach out to them, it really just became a norm for me that I just needed to figure things out on my own, and as a kid I filled out all the school forms for me and my brother and anything else my parents needed. So I learned that if I wanted to figure something out, that it was up to me Asking my parents.

Speaker 1:

There was time I can't even remember, when it was maybe like fifth grade that I no longer went to my parents to try to help me figure things out. I was like OK, and to add to that, I didn't even feel safe to ask a teacher for help. My number one source for asking for help was the library books. I constantly went to the library and I would see the knowledge of the books. I had a funny story I remember I was a teenager and again, the library was my life, and so I was a teenager and I had seen in Seventeen Magazine had a book that they came out with questions you didn't know to ask or questions you wanted to ask or something like that. And so I figured out how to request a book. I requested it, they ordered it and they let me know when it was in. And it just happened to be a day that my dad came inside with me and the librarian hands me the book, which I'm sure was not intentional, but it was the worst time I've ever with my dad next to me.

Speaker 1:

I just really wanted to fade away and pretend like this is not the book that I swear I'm not having sex, I just want to know about it. I'm trying to figure it out, and so it's just funny looking back. I don't remember just him saying anything to me about it. I'm sure he was really mad, but yeah, it's just funny to think about it. Because my dad was so strict I mean just typical Latino Mexican dad, very, very strict I couldn't even talk on the phone, even if it was the female friends. I remember one time he got upset because I was walking home and there were some boys that were also walking home. I don't remember if they were on the same side or the opposite side of the street, but I didn't even know who they were and he got mad at me. I'm like I don't know them. Where are you mad at me about that? I'm just walking home from school, dad, but just a tower of grim and so, oh my gosh, fortunately my dad did not ban me from the library or do anything extreme after that, which is a surprise, like I said, because he was super strict.

Speaker 1:

So now, while I've been doing pretty good figuring it out all my life, I recognize how much life would have been easier if I was more readily and willing to ask for help. I will caveat this with when you ask for help or guidance, please, please, please, follow your intuition. I think that's the other side of it too that anytime that I did ask for help, a lot of times it went against my intuition, and so that was a reminder to me that asking for help can also lead to not so great answers for me. So again, when you are asking for help and the guidance or the help doesn't ring true to you or you're like I don't know about this, follow your intuition, because it's probably right, and you should definitely follow your own inner intuition on what is the right next step for you If the advice or help that somebody is offering you doesn't align with you for whatever reason, doesn't sit well, just be like okay, thank you so much, I appreciate your help.

Speaker 1:

And then ask somebody else you know, or use somebody else as a sounding board on. Like you know, I was thinking this. This person suggested this to me oh, what do you think? And even just that conversation will help you get some clarity on what you want to do and what would be work for you. So in the beginning of this year, I had told my team that, if it took them longer than five minutes, that I wanted them to ask for help, not because they couldn't figure it out, but so that they can use your time more effectively. So what happens when we don't ask for help is that you go down the rabbit hole of trying to figure it out and you end up spending way more time and energy than if you had just asked for help. And, of course, someone may not give you the direct answer you were looking for, but it can get you there quicker and faster than on your own.

Speaker 1:

So with that, I'm going to share with you guys a little more reasons why, then, it's so important to ask for help Because it can mean it can save you time and energy. Trying to do everything on your own can be time consuming and exhausting. By asking for help, you can free up your time and energy to focus on things that you are good at. Maybe asking for help for you looks like getting somebody to come clean the house every few days, or maybe not every few days, but every few weeks, or it can be taking up some cooking. Whatever it is right Like figure out what you're not so great at, or, if you're having an issue, ask somebody that you know or you believe to know that they are better at that than you are.

Speaker 1:

Another reason is it can help you learn and grow. By asking other people for help, you're expanding your knowledge. You know you double your knowledge by asking someone else. When you ask for help, you are opening yourself to new ideas and perspective, and this can help you learn and grow as a person. Regardless. If you use the advice, regardless. If you have them help you, you then open your door to expand your thinking. Another reason is it can build relationships. Asking for help is a great way to build relationships with others. When you ask someone for help, you are showing them that you trust and value them. This can help strengthen your relationship and make you feel more connected to others. So remember that when you feel like asking someone for help is a burden, they actually have been waiting for you to ask them for help, so this is a way to build that connection with them Now.

Speaker 1:

Another reason is that it can help you overcome challenges. Asking for help can help you overcome challenges. Everyone faces challenges in their lives, and asking for help can give you the support and resources you need to get through whatever challenges you are having, and everyone is going through at least one challenge in their life, most likely more. So asking for help is so important. And it's also important for you to understand that asking for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. A lot of people are reluctant to ask for help because they feel like maybe they're not all that great at everything, maybe they're just showing that they can't do things for themselves. But actually it's a sign of strength and self-awareness. It shows that you're willing to admit that you need assistance and that you're confident enough to ask for help, because if you're not confident to ask for help, you wouldn't ask for it. You just continue to not figure it out or figure it out and it takes you so much longer in isolating yourself, really. So here's some tips on asking for help, especially if it's not something that you're really good at doing or you don't like to do.

Speaker 1:

Be specific about what you need help with, because if you're like, oh, I need help watching the gigs, some of them might be like, well, I don't want to watch your kids, you know. Just so you could say, hey, I have a business trip coming up and I need some help with the kids because my husband's not able to get out early enough to pick them up, which actually affects. This is something that I had to do recently, and actually I was asking my husband if he could ask someone in this family to help and he's like, why don't you do it? And I was like, okay, whatever, and I did it. I did it, guys, I did it and my excuse not to do it was well, they're your family, they're going to be more receptive to you. And he's like I don't know. So I went ahead and did it and his sister said, yes, she could do it. Thank goodness, because it's literally this week that we need the help. So, as for help.

Speaker 1:

Be specific about what you need help with. Be clear on your expectations, you know. Let them know what it is that you need and be grateful for the hope that you received. Maybe it's not the help that you want, but be grateful for the help you receive and be willing to help them in return. And then that's what happens Sometimes. People get asked to do things often and then there's not like this give and take from both sides which can cause resentment, either from you or her mother. So always be willing to help them back. If you are struggling to ask for help, here's some ways that you can make it easier for yourself Practice on what you're going to say. Think about the benefits of asking for help. You know, for us it was definitely going to make it less stressful. Remind yourself that it is a sign of strength, not weakness.

Speaker 1:

And then ask someone you trust for help and asking for help. I know that sounds funny to say, but ask someone how, what they think about. Hey, I'm going to ask someone. So this question to help me with this. How does this sound? I'm going to go back a little bit and think about the I mean practice which you're going to say.

Speaker 1:

So when I messaged my sister-in-law, my husband was like what did you say? And I was like why'd you say hi? Everyone wanted to say hi before I asked for help. And he's like just tell her what you want. And you know that's the truth, right? When he said that, I was like that's true, cause I hate when people just say hey, out of the blue, like tell me what you want, you're going to ask me for something, just tell me. And so when he said that, I'm like true that, true that. So remember that. Like you know, if you have a preference on something, if you want people to just ask you directly versus beating around the bush, do that. If you know a person likes to kind of beat around the bush before you ask them, do that. So figure out who you're asking for help and how they need you to ask for it, because some people may need you to actually have a conversation with them instead of just being like, hey, can you do this, but some people might not care. So I hope that all of that is helpful to you.

Speaker 1:

I know that me and, reflecting myself, and why haven't asked for help, why I have this, let me figure it out mentality and how that limits me and my ability to grow and learn faster. I found it very, very important to share that with you guys, especially when you are manifesting, because the universe is always on your side, is always sending you help that you need, but first you have to be willing to accept it, and you can accept it if you're not asking for it. Remember the universe is always on your side and the only way to receive the help is by asking for it, being open to it, and it's a sign of strength and self-awareness to ask for help, so don't be afraid to reach out when you need it. So how would you guys to take a moment to reflect on why you might not ask others for help? Was it something you learned, something that was taught by family or friends?

Speaker 1:

And how does asking for help make you feel? No, is it uncomfortable? Does it make you feel like a little kid again? Just reflect on those process, those feelings, and if you need professional therapy or help, seek that out. But really just journal and reflect on it so that you can be more willing and understanding of asking for help when you need it. All right, guys, I will talk to you next week. Thank you for listening to the Manifest your Career podcast. Are you ready to take action today? Visit ManifestYourCareercom to get started and schedule a free discovery call with me and gain clarity today.

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